So #metoo is the new #notokay was the old #yesallwomen… valuable stuff, but I’m ready to move on from this sort of…

So #metoo is the new #notokay was the old #yesallwomen… valuable stuff, but I’m ready to move on from this sort of thing to the next concrete step…

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0 Responses to So #metoo is the new #notokay was the old #yesallwomen… valuable stuff, but I’m ready to move on from this sort of…

  1. Pretty much my reaction… awareness is all very well and good, but what are we going to actually do about the problem?

    I wish I knew.

  2. That’s the goal – change. The question is how to achieve that. Sexual education classes in high school come to mind. They now focus on biology etc. Perhaps they could include more on how to behave. Also popular media like movies, TV shows, etc. could show example.

    Two things are certain:

    1. Change will not happen without systematic education.

    2. Cultural change is slow.

    Also, it will be very hard to penetrate conservative circles where sexuality is still somewhat taboo. The existence of that taboo greatly increases bad behavior because it creates psychological barriers and suppressed emotions, which then erupt in various ways. For example porn is largely the result of sexual inhibitions. If the whole thing was more normal then related behaviors would be too. The taboo also produces the stigma and greatly amplifies feelings of guilt, which causes people to avoid speaking about the problem.

  3. peter k says:

    Danial Hallock you were MRA? What changed your mind?

  4. peter k says:

    Each interation has shown a little improvement. It’s so slow.

    But too many people are doing the equivalent of “thoughts and prayers”.

  5. Being made aware really helped me understand.

    Just beat into men’s heads, the only appropriate response when someone says something is to listen, full stop.

    The only appropriate response when someone is being abusive is to stop them, full stop.

    This isn’t meant to excuse, only to explain: Passing as a member of the single most privileged group, I was honestly ignorant of the extent of harassment that people face daily, hourly… that is some people’s whole lives. For far too long, I was wilfully ignorant, which is inexcusable.

    I am grateful to the people who made it so that I couldn’t ignore harassment. Awareness really is the first step, as frustrating as it is to see the pigheaded ones out there who refuse even that.

    And, men out there: things really are as bad as people say. It shouldn’t matter that 744 million people (conseravtively assuming one in 5 women, ignoring men) are sexually assaulted and harassed. It matters for each. It matters that enough men are harassing people that you’re absolutely guaranteed to know someone who was a victim of those men.

    The only thing that you should be doing, if this in any way surprises you, is to listen. Because if this surprises you, it means that you’re wrong about how the world works, and only by paying attention can you figure out which of your assumptions are wrong.

    After you’ve listened for a good long while, then your job is to turn to other men and help them understand. Let them know that any time you say “not all men” or “I’m not a rapist,” you’re perpetuating rape culture, being an accomplice to abuse and harassment. When you see abuse, call it out. Stop it. When you see people trying to fix women instead of men, such as by instituting dress codes, etc., point out how they’re blaming the victims.

    Sorry, I’ll get off my soapbox, now.

  6. Cindy Brown says:

    Rodney Moore You do understand that if I’d blocked you, you wouldn’t have been able to see this post, let alone post on it?

    I get more notifications than I can keep up with.

  7. peter k says:

    Adam Alexander Danial Hallock would it be ok if I posted your comments?

  8. peter k, feel free to repost what I’ve said… and if there are any critiques or corrections, I’d like to know, as I’m not an expert; I’m just trying to do my part to call out those who I see doing obvious harm, and if I can improve, I’m open to it.

  9. peter k says:

    Adam Alexander, I’m not going to critique your post.

    I think honest testimony will help other men improve. That’s helped me in the past to learn.

    And that there is evidence that men learn will give some heart to women. I know it heartened me in the similar cases of racism and homophobia.

  10. peter k says:

    Danial Hallock , you should have gotten a notice about my post. Let me know if there’s something you’d like editted. (I didn’t bother to preserve the italics, but I can go back if you want me to.)